the day that wasn't Massa's

I managed to get in! So what if I had to sell ponchos and ear plugs for three back-breaking hours... sometimes to people younger than me. So what if an Indian girl came up to me and snapped a picture of me like I was part of the whole show and I had to scare her away by surprising her with a retort that went something like "What the hell do you think you're doing!?". I'm not cut out for sales. I'm really not.

But the atmosphere was BRILLIANTLY ELECTRIFYING. To watch the whole race proper, you still had to look at the giant screen set up on the Padang. Which meant that we were probably seeing the same pictures as the home viewers. But the sound and smell made it all worth it (especially since we didn't pay a single cent. heee). Bellowing F1 engines all around you, people cheering most unexpectedly (and you ran and joined them, not knowing what you were cheering for), the faint aroma of gasoline every time a car passed you, sweat. We only managed to get a proper view for the last 5 laps, though. For most of the rest, I was busy climbing scaffolding. But I was happy. I'm glad I didn't pay for walk-about tickets. Imagine forking out $108 dollars so that you could climb scaffolding.

I think I'm going to follow the race from now on. 3 more races in Japan, China and Brazil before Hamilton gets crowned champion. But then, anything can happen. It's normal to pull out of the pitstop while refuelling, you see.

I know the song's lame. I couldn't find anything better la.

the naked man

So the lift at my place screwed up today and opened at any floor I wanted it to, just like any normal lift would. That wouldn't be considered screwing up if not for the fact that this lift opens directly into the apartments. So technically, I had free access to every single apartment in the building. All I had to do was push the button. So I decided to cave in to my voyeuristic tendencies and check out the lift lobbies of the people living above me. I pressed 20, the lift went up, stopped at 20, the doors opened, and lo, and behold, a GHASTLY sight was set before me...

Fat, ugly, hairy man.
White underwear.
Lying amidst a good number of shoes.
Sprawled out.
Scratching his ass.

He simply froze. That was hilarious. I'm sure he heard my stifled laughter as I quickly pressed the close button.

I live amongst weirdos.

the Creed, by Steve Turner, 1978

A satirical response to the postmodernists' belittling of those who believe in absolutes in a pluralistic world:

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin

We believe everything is OK

as long as you don't hurt anyone

to the best of your definition of hurt,

and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

We believe that adultery is fun.

We believe that sodomy’s OK.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better

despite evidence to the contrary.

The evidence must be investigated

And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in

horoscopes, UFO's and bent spoons.

Jesus was a good man

just like Buddha, Mohammed, and ourselves.

He was a good moral teacher

though we think His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same-

at least the one that we read was.

They all believe in love and goodness.

They only differ on matters of

creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing

Because when you ask the dead what happens they say Nothing.

If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,

then its compulsory heaven for all

excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan

We believe in Masters and Johnson

What's selected is average.

What's average is normal.

What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.

We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed.

Americans should beat their guns into tractors .

And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.

It's only his behavior that lets him down.

This is the fault of society.

Society is the fault of conditions.

Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.

Reality will adapt accordingly.

The universe will readjust.

History will alter.

We believe that there is no absolute truth

excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,

And the flowering of individual thought.

Postscript:

If chance be the Father of all flesh,

disaster is his rainbow in the sky

and when you hear

State of Emergency!

Sniper Kills Ten!

Troops on Rampage!

Whites go Looting!

Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man

worshipping his maker.

the stupid people

(No, this isn't about the car park incident at TMC.)

When someone insults you or taunts you, do you have to respond? Would it come across as cowardly not to? Or would that be wise. Only the wise (and the busy) pick their fights. Some fights just aren't worth it. Some people simply aren't worth your attention. I know that. But does that mean you walk away? I didn't want to. But I did. I wanted to spew insults back at them (and I can do that quite well, as some of you already know). But then a fight would ensue. That's what they would want. That's exactly what I don't want. That's why I left. I really don't think it's necessary to chalk up $10,000 in legal bills again. Especially when I'm not at fault. So I walked (drove) away. I had half a mind to turn around and ram into them, or at least scare them into thinking that I was going to. It's scary, the things you want to do when you're infuriated. I'm glad I didn't. Cos it would have cost me much more than it would have cost them.

They're stupid people after all. Stupid people whose combined PSLE scores wouldn't even come close to mine. Stupid people who feel they ought to be respected. Stupid people without a future. Stupid people who only know how to screw. And it's not that hard to screw. Stupid dumb ass people.

And I've everything to lose. It sucks when you have much more going for you than them. Then you've got to be cautious about everything you do. Well, I guess that's the price you pay for having more going for you. A price I guess I could afford if I bite my lip hard enough.

I guess life's fair... in a really weird way.

N.B.: I'm not elitist. I don't look down on people because they lack intelligence. But I do look down on people I don't like. I'm human.

the financial shakeout

Just 12 months ago, the investment banking landscape was dominated by 5 mammoth banks: Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns.

Then Bear wound up when its stocks plunged from about $60 a piece to less than 10% of that over one weekend.

Then poor Lehman had to do the same when nobody wanted anything to do with its rotting debt obligations.

On the same day, Merrill got acquired by Bank of America.

Now, Morgan Stanley's deciding to sell a 49% stake to China Investment Corp.

Goldman, when's your turn? Banking at the big 5 isn't so cool anymore. Not when 4 of the 5 are making headlines like that. And all because of what? Cos the lenders decided that it would be alright to extend loans to the defaulters, the unemployed and the irresponsible. And investment bankers, being the innovative people that they are, decided to slice and dice those loans beyond recognition and sell them to investors who didn't understand, but didn't want to admit.

Life was much simpler then. When all you had were stocks, bonds and currencies. Now you have a plethora of abbreviations - CDOs, CDSs, CMOs, ABSs, MBSs, CLOs, CMBSs, CBOs. They call them structured products. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone when I say that 'structure' is nothing more than a euphemism for 'zenith of complexity'.

Oh well. Let's just hope that things simmer down by end-2009. I would like to have a job when I graduate, you see.

the poised man

The time is nearing when I won't be giving any more tuition lessons for the rest of the year. MBA tuition ended last week. PSLE tuition's ending in a month. Then I'll only have the Singtel roadshows to tide me through. And that sucks because I won't be getting a steady stream of income. This is why a commission-based job won't cut it for me. It's too unpredictable. Too risky. I'm pretty sure I'd be quite content with a fixed salary and 7-month bonus at the end of each year.

I was fixing up a list of words for my tuition kid to expand her vocabulary and added "poised" to the list. I decided to try the words on this particular person in the vicinity to see if the standard I was setting was too high. I had added the word "poised" to the list and asked this person what the meaning of the word was. His response (in all seriousness) cracked me up -

"an erected man"

I dunno. It's just... funny.

the rambling man

I suppose some of us are cave dwellers,
some of us live in houses,
some of us like to be loose footed.
I'm a ramblin' man.

I wanna be a rambling man

And you're going to keep on rambling?
Oh yes, he he, have to.

the 10 things i dislike most

not in any particular order...

1. Automatic taps at shopping center restrooms that never seem to have working sensors and make you look like an idiot moving your hands all over hoping for water to flow.
2. Self-righteous jerks who think they're good enough to judge. Hope you get pantat cancer.
3. Intentionally hypocritical jerks who are alright with putting up an Oscar-winning act for the world to see.
4. The sound of fingernails scraping against dry paint.
5. People who take advantage of my (mildly) kind disposition.
6. MRT passengers who rush for the same seat as me.
7. Girls who think they're ALL THAT. Especially when they're not.
8. People who put the phone down on me
9. The prick who had the audacity to steal my phone in church during service 8 yrs ago
10. Unduly sensitive people.

Accounting module on a Monday morning is never a good idea. I started listing down examples of the Chinese professor's language deficiency to stay awake:

• Below ler line. (below the line)
  
• From lis wan. (from this one)
  
• Information is not nat accurate. (information is not that accurate)
  
• Exclute nem. (exclude them)
  
• What is neir net turnover? (what is their net turnover)
  
• There will be a lot of loises. (there will be a lot of noise)
• You cannot igerlore them. (you cannot ignore them)
  
• We should follow let. (we should follow that)
  
• Nananananana. (the the the the the the)
  
• Why do you sink this is necessary? (why do you think this is necessary?)
  
• See you legs week! (see you next week!)

and.. er.. finally:

• All the cunts. (all the accounts)