money makes me very happy. i'm glad i have enough of it. but it doesn't make me ecstatic about life. i'm happy enough to survive, but not LIVE. something's missing. a goal; a new achievement; progress, maybe. i am never satisfied. i look in all the wrong places. i while away my hours with the wrong people too much. it doesn't get me anywhere, just gets me through the day (and nights). the result? i spend too much, rest too little, drink too much, plan too little. but what's the use of planning, really? a couple of months back when all i did was mope about, things didn't improve at all - no one really cared (enough), no one really knew (or wanted to), the people i reached out to were either too base or selfish to react the way i wanted them to, the way i would have. so then i stopped hoping, stopped expecting. i started to focus my energy on other things i wished would give me a new direction. but things are not the same. it's tough to change direction when you have.. lingering influences. how do you become a new person when you don't really want to be. i seem to have pushed the reset/purge button on life every 5 or 6 years. Maybe I should do it again. And then what?
i'm moving back to SG too soon. can't say that i'll miss MY, and can't say that I won't. 2013. DEFINITELY a year to remember - if i survive it, that is. i continue to be a heartbreaker, a mindfucker. i am still this dude who knows almost what he wants. keyword being 'almost'.
i hope you die soon. you selfish, weird motherfucker.
oh what i would give to be stupid.
i'm moving back to SG too soon. can't say that i'll miss MY, and can't say that I won't. 2013. DEFINITELY a year to remember - if i survive it, that is. i continue to be a heartbreaker, a mindfucker. i am still this dude who knows almost what he wants. keyword being 'almost'.
i hope you die soon. you selfish, weird motherfucker.
oh what i would give to be stupid.
