the month of reconciliations

July's almost over and it has turned out to be the most peaceful month since the year began. It feels good to mend broken relationships, to know that you matter enough for the other party to want to help pick up the pieces, not really bothering about whose fault it was to begin with. It feels good to go the extra mile for someone. It feels good to forgive, and be forgiven. It feels good to forget about forgiving, because you don't see a need to revisit the past. It feels good to uncomplicate things, to press the reboot button, to find depth in simplicity.

But more than it feeling good, it's the right thing to do.

the rash vow

After much contemplation, here's the vow: I will not step into a club, nor drink alcohol, until circumstances change.

I'll just be plain ol' compliant ekklesian. But that shouldn't really matter.

It's quite exhilarating to be on the dance floor when the DJ is spinning a song your friend produced. and your friend is with you. and you're wearing a prop used in the music video. and everyone's watching, i would like to think, in a drunken state of envy.

The future is not...

Que sera, sera.

the number TWO... the number ONE

There are much bigger things in life to worry about.

Life isn't all about the interview you haven't prepared for, that choice internship at GS, that will convert into your dream job offer, the unforgiving office gossip, the bitch who you claim ruined your life, the bitch you ruined, the friend that you don't want to hurt, the politics, the religion you so easily fall back on when things are beyond your control, the facades, the confidence you try to exude, the gelled hair, the fabulous Japanese food at Old Airport Road, the Olympics, the ground-breaking moments, the record-breaking stunts, the music of your soul, the favor you so desperately seek in people who don't really care, the people you want to prove wrong, the false sense of belonging that you deceive yourself into feeling, the flashy cars you see outside Zouk and Millenia, the forbidden fruit, the six-pack you used to have, the chances you missed, the thorns you endure, the fear you succumbed to.

No, none of these things really matter. Because when the time is nearly up, and you have some moments to yourself, you think of the people who love you, and how they would survive without you. you think of people who accept you unconditionally. you think of people who will cry at your funeral, not because of the pain they would feel, but because they would feel yours. you think of those who would bend over backwards for you and honestly expect nothing in return.

It's all about perspective.

4:35

In our darkest hour, in my deepest despair
Will you still care? Will you be there?
In my trials and my tribulations
Through our doubts and frustrations
In my violence, in my turbulence
Through my fear, and my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow

I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart.

the night i never got high

i know what i want. i know i can get what i want. if i only just reach out. but i can't. i won't. cos i can never be too sure. cos to a small extent, i'm afraid of FAILURE.

F***.

--

Respect for those who went beyond their limits. Respect for those who outlasted the others. Respect for those who scored. Respect for those who didn't, but still smiled.

Respect for myself.

We'll know how much it cost us on Monday. I'm guessing close to a $1000. Is it worth it? I guess. Cos the life we/I live is shit. A night of fun is definitely worth every penny

Is it?

Too late, dickhead.

the legacy lives on

[Diddy]
I remember the first time I seen you moonwalk,
I believed I could do anything,
you made the world dance,
you made the music come to life

[Chris Brown - Chorus]
This the type of song that make the angels cry,
i look up in the sky and i wonder why?
why you had to go, go
I know its better on the other side,
you were chosen from the start
never gon’ let you go,

[The Game]
Who’s Michael Jackson,
You’re Michael Jackson,
I’m Michael Jackson,
We all Michael Jackson,
I guess what I'm asking is everybody bow their head for a legend don't breathe for a second,
now let the air out, grab the hand of somebody you care about,
so you can hear my message, my confession,
someone tell Usher, I seen the moonwalk, I guess the young thriller touched him, like he touched me, like he touched you,
so carry on his legacy, something i must do, so i trust you lighting candles, concrete visuals, me and my brothers listen to Jackson 5 in the living room,
first thing i did when i heard was call Puff,
cos him and Mike tried to stop the beef between us,
who was us? Me and Fifty, that beef is dead, him and Mike Jackson gonna take us to the ledge.

[Chorus]

As I’m pouring out this liquor candles start to flicker,
when list (?) my air ones, MJ was my n***a.
Not the one that played ball, the one with the Hollywood star,
and since I’m a Hollywood star Imma tell you my story,
never had a family that close, never see Barry Gordy walking through interscope,
just like me they always had Mike in a scope,
no matter what you say,
imma love him and hes still dope,
let me take you back to 85 when i was in a zone, dancing for my momma thriller jacket with all the zippers on,
now I’m doing 90 bout to crash in this Aston,
listening to Outcast, I’m sorry Mrs Jackson
anything I can ever do to better you your son was our king so we wont Coretta you,
I’m writing this letter to all the Jackson kids, we all Jackson kids, time to let us through.

[Chorus]
[Diddy]
People can say what they wanna say about you.
We gonna remember the miracles that you showed us.
Through your music, through your dance, through your philanthropy.
You were the one that made us all realize that we are the world.
You were the one that showed us we could moonwalk
You gave us the beat. You gave us the rhythm. You gave us the soul.
Through us your legacy lives on
We can't stop now, we won't stop now.
Mike Jackson.

[Chorus]

[Boys II Men]
This the kind of song that make the angels cry,
look up in the sky and ask God, why o why why
Do we live and let die
This the kind of song that make the angels cry,
look up in the sky and ask God, why o why why
Do we live and let, live and let die.