the surprisingly not-so-different xmas

This year was supposed to be different. New church. New friends. New routine. For the first time in 14 years, I didn't spend xmas eve caroling. For the first time in 14 years, I didn't countdown to the crossover at some youth's house and erupt in a charismatic rendition of 'Samathana Prabhu' coupled with some really unjack dance steps. It wasn't such a big deal to be the first to wish everyone at the stroke of midnight anymore. Maybe it's me growing up. Or maybe just a welcomed change.

But it was still very much like previous Christmases in so many ways. I still got up for service as groggy as ever (the dreaded effects of too much Bombay Sapphire, no doubt). I still went for service with the family (minus the brother, as usual). I still had very beautiful people to snap pics with after service. I still experienced a family fiasco that threatened to ruin Christmas. I still (over)ate the usual Indian food (2 lunches & 3 dinners of roughly the same thing).

For some reason. I liked this year better than the rest. I think it was because of the refreshing change in setting. Change is always good.

And so this is how Christmas went:
Bombay Sapphire and Anchor Beer concoction. Pissing in the open. Cabbing home at 6am. Not remembering waking up half an hour later. Sleeping in the toilet. Getting ready in 7 minutes. 2 services. Being greeted with fake smiles. Greeting the fakers with fake smiles. O Holy Night. The First Noel - Pachelbel's Canon in D postlude. Presents. Sakuntala's. Family fiasco. 10-course lunch. Dozing off at the wheel on the expressway 3 times. Talking to myself to keep myself awake. Dead rat. Family dinner. Very crowded house at Teban. Only 2 sips of wine. Presents. Whiskey glass :D. Pink cap. Sick talk of sanitation methods. Blabbering on the couch. Finding myself in the guest room the next morning.

Merry Xmas, y'all!

the unbeatables

I finally understand how chips are used. It's quite exhilarating when you receive a stack of them in exchange for the 200 bucks that somehow don't seem as much to you any longer. Sitting at the table alongside others playing French Boule, many with cigarettes and cigars in hand, I couldn't help but roleplay Yan Fei in 'The Unbeatables'. Pretending to be deep in thought, rubbing my stubble in slow motion, staring intently at the gold-plated dice container as if by some miracle I would be able to see right through it, placing my chips on the board with the confidence of a professional, I imagined myself to be the King of Coral Island. It gives you a sense of power when you instruct the banker where you want your bets placed. It's hard to hide the smirk when someone else at the table loses all his chips and leaves empty handed. Nothing beats the adrenalin rush when I take a risky position, win, and claim the 1200% payout.

It is but a game. To be played with an attitude of triviality and only if you can afford it. Sadly, many don't know that. And many more act like they don't.

the legitimate "wine dinner"

After an weird encounter with a very-hard-to-understand person at church which totally wrecked the mood for me and caused me to leave the place alot later than I had intended, I headed down to a friend's house party. It had the makings of a pretty swell Singaporean house party. (Emphasis on Singaporean because our definition of partying is significantly different from other liberal countries.) There was really loud music (albeit mostly trance), lots of free booze (by free, i mean that the university paid for it), good food, the best cheesecake ever (da paolo!), happy happy people (the booze ran out), and a big house all to ourselves.

But I couldn't exactly enjoy myself much. Because it had to be Ridgewood, of all condominiums. My roots don't mean anything. I make my own destiny. Only that should matter. Somehow, it's much harder to accept than I had expected.

the post i dont exactly understand

Sometimes, it's fun to do something wrong. No, no. It's fun to do what others perceive as wrong. Maybe it's the adrenalin rush. Maybe it's boredom. Maybe there isn't any reason for it at all. There are times when you do things without thinking of the consequences. It's not that you don't care. It's not that you're being selfish. To be selfish, you need to be consicously aware of the consequences and actively choose not to keep them in consideration. What if it simply doesn't occur to you that what you're doing has consequences. The lack of consideration becomes passive. Not to the point that it becomes ignorance, though. What if this state of oblivion becomes extended?

I'm not sure how to rationalise such actions. I'm thinking that maybe you're in this state of 'perpetual drunkenness' - not to be taken literally of course. I'm still wondering how one arrives at this point of 'perpetual drunkenness' and when this state of mind ceases. Like literal drunkenness, figurative drunkenness creeps into our minds insidiously. And it is only in retrospect that we know that we exercised a lack of judgment.

Everything becomes permissible when you become desensitized.

I'm desensitized.
But no, I'm not desensitized.

And therein lies the crux of the problem(s).

the lunch to impress

I don't like it when they try too hard to impress.
I don't like it when they laugh at a joke only because the professor initiated it.
I don't like it when they fight with me for attention.
I don't like it when they act like they have executive lunches at the Equinox all the time.
I don't like it when I bring a camera, but am afraid to use it.
I don't like it when someone makes a not-so-funny joke in a bid to seem suave.
I don't like it when silence follows that not-so-funny joke, even if that's the appropriate response.
I don't like it when I mumble because I'm uncomfortable.
I don't like it when people have extended hard-to-follow conversations.
I don't like it when all they do at the table is talk about how well they trade currency futures or discuss the extent to which deleveraging has taken place in the financial sector.

I liked the food, though.
I liked the lift that brought us up 70 floors in about 10 seconds.
And I liked it when the professor was the one to foot the $800 bill.

the bloody thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving? If you really need to take it out on the country, take it out on the citizens, not the foreigners. Life goes on...

Visuals courtesy of Reuters

the shitty bank

The crisis is finally hitting closer to home. Too close, infact.

What could possibly save Citi. The 20% expense cut, the axing of 52,000 workers, the $25b capital injection from the government, the capital raising exercise of a further $50b, the Saudi Prince's increase in stake. All that couldn't stop Citigroup's shares from plunging to 1994 levels. To put things in perspective, think of a company with market capitalization of $270b shrinking to just a tenth of that - in the vicinity of $25.7b.

Too big to fail? I sure bloody hope so. But the Treasury Secretary has refused to say anything except that "nobody should be so big". What's that supposed to mean?

If this mammoth bank goes under, I'd probably suffer a stroke. And die a poor man.

the launch

So it was the album launch at the Esplanade and i thought the vocals were just SPLENDID. Mitwa was awesome. Drums were spectacular. Percussion was more than brilliant. Keyboards, as usual, the humble show-maker. I'm sincerely surprised it wasn't full house. Dumb Singaporeans don't know a star when they see one.

Afterparty was decently wild as I recall. Cuban Libre. Empire. Bollywood Dhoom. Good, clean fun. The way it's usually been.

Amidst all that, I managed to squeeze in a chat with a headhunter about my predicament. He assured to me, in his highness, that a finance degree was one of the best qualifications to have and mentioned that he had connections that could help me. I found that really reassuring. And that was enough to forget the alcohol that I had purchased. What's a housepour of red worth anyway??

Happy birthday, YOU! New experiences for a new you. :)

Bulldogs are here to stay :(

the color GREEN

i'm getting sick of people who project their displeasure of my friends on me.

but i guess one more enemy wouldn't hurt.

the call

"...And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down – we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security – we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright – tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta . She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing – Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the colour of her skin.

Tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbour and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham , a bridge in Selma , and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin , a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America , through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America. "

Barack Obama
44th President-elect
The United States of America

the election results

I prefer Clinton to Obama, but I'd pick the latter over McCain any day. A pity he didn't win by a large voter margin, though. To think that half the country still believe in Republican policies of weaponry muscle and small government after all that's happened.

And I thought that 65% of Americans not being able to spot Britain on the world map was bad.

Visuals courtesy of msnbc.com

the train

I think I'm truly gifted and cursed at the same time. I don't know of anyone else who can stare at accounting figures for 5 straight hours with no rest whatsoever, even when his friends give up and watch downloaded episodes of Entourage on a 50" plasma just 2 meters away. This, on Diwali, after putting house visits on hold, thereby denying himself of the pleasures of festive food and alcohol. :(

If it means missing the train, I'm not necessarily out of the game altogether. All it means is that I'll be playing catch up when the time comes. Or, I might just change my mind and decide to hop on. Either way, I want to be on that train. I don't know yet... we'll just have to see.

Happy birthday, Baker-friend!

the singh is kinng... sometimes

It's nice to dance to Hindi music once in awhile. The next time you think of going to Rupee Room at Clarke Quay, go to Club Colaba at Boat Quay instead. Cover's cheap, music's pretty varied so you're not dancing to unknown Hindi songs the whole night and bouncers sleep while standing up.

The world needs more daughters.

the premium wine tasting function

I felt a little important today. Managed to get myself an invite to a private function at Harry's. This wasn't any ordinary gathering. I was there to help determine which premium wines would make their wine list. That meant lots of expensive but free wines for me. I like.

So the next time you visit Harry's, turn to the wine section, observe the awesome selection like 'Watershed Shiraz Margaret River 2004' or 'Contada Chianti DOGC 2006', and remember that I played a part!

Oh, and trust me. They're worth more than the $100 bucks per bottle you'll be forking out.

the clash of the weddings

The first of the six in our childhood group finally got married last week. Who would have thought that this day would come so soon. It's all so unfamiliar, although I've been involved in countless weddings before. It's different this time. Because it's one of us. And it forces us to realize that we've finally grown up. Allow me to reminisce for a moment here. We've come a long way together. From innocent and naive adolescents, through the passage of time we've become stronger and developed character.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, the torch has been passed on to us. It's time to make a living for ourselves. It's time to be adults, to take on real responsibilities with real stakes on the table. It's pretty overwhelming just thinking about it. Even for the ones who don't hear wedding bells in the near future (ie. me) - graduation. job search. finally meeting the real world. real threats. risky decisions.

Well, I'm sure the newly-weds will go far (pun intended). The Bahamas is a long loong way away, after all. My most sincere wishes to the two of you. Starting a family in a foreign land on your own seems quite daunting. But I'm sure you two will manage some how.

Another wedding coming soon. But this one is just too... complicated. It was an awkward and sad phone call. For me at least. I couldn't bring myself to congratulate you or wish you although I knew that that would have made you happy. But that would have been hypocritical of me. And you would have seen right through it. Would you really have bought that? We saw it coming for YEARS. And yet, it's still awkward. I guess if it makes you happy, good for you. I truly appreciate the effort taken in mailing me a separate invite as requested despite receiving two beforehand. I don't know why I asked you to do that, but it really doesn't make any sense for me to be present. If this makes it any better, I still do cherish the good ol' days despite what I say. And no amount of jealousy and hatred from anyone will be able change that.

Two weddings. Two very different emotions. Life's a rollercoaster. It really is.

the denier

she danced. she kissed. she cried. she laughed. she fell. again and again.

and she denied it all.

the eccentric professor

Ethics class was.. interesting.

1. The professor pulled out a wallet-sized iron ore from his shoe after claiming to have visited a Brazillian iron mine over the weekend
   
2. Then he pulled out some twigs from his bag and said he'd plucked them from a dying Sumatran rainforest.
3. He subsequently tried to saw the twigs with a toy saw, but to no avail.
4. He decided to use a more sophisticated cutting instrument (see picture below).
5. He thought it'd be fun to cut someone's finger instead. He asked for volunteers while holding a bloodied hankie. No one was brave enough.
6. He pulled out three lighted cigarettes from his shirt pocket and started smoking them.

My Ethics prof is eccentric. I'd call him 'mad', if he didn't have Dean, Harvard Law School and Attorney General, New York State on his resume (which I immediately checked out after class, of course).


I would like to work at One Raffles Quay one day. Huge lobbies, spanking new designer offices, plush carpeting, futuristic corridors, breathtaking view of the sea, unobstructed view of The Sail@Marina Bay (for the voyeurs), Lau Pa Sat just across the road, UBS, Deutsche, RBS, Barclays, Credit Suisse, ABN Amro (notice they're all non-US). Aaah...the epitome of class.

the sign of a fallen nation

A clock that's run out of digits. Notice the make-shift non-digitised dollar sign that's been pasted on to make room for the '1' digit that's taken its place. They've finally decided to replace the board with one that can track debt up to a quadrillion dollars.

I didn't know that number even existed.

the wrong thing to do

it's one thing to know right from wrong.
but it's a whole different ball game altogether where the rubber meets the road.

the absurd thing is that i tell myself that i'll pray about it knowing full well what i ought to do.
but it makes so much sense to do just the opposite.

whywhywhywhywhy.

the day that wasn't Massa's

I managed to get in! So what if I had to sell ponchos and ear plugs for three back-breaking hours... sometimes to people younger than me. So what if an Indian girl came up to me and snapped a picture of me like I was part of the whole show and I had to scare her away by surprising her with a retort that went something like "What the hell do you think you're doing!?". I'm not cut out for sales. I'm really not.

But the atmosphere was BRILLIANTLY ELECTRIFYING. To watch the whole race proper, you still had to look at the giant screen set up on the Padang. Which meant that we were probably seeing the same pictures as the home viewers. But the sound and smell made it all worth it (especially since we didn't pay a single cent. heee). Bellowing F1 engines all around you, people cheering most unexpectedly (and you ran and joined them, not knowing what you were cheering for), the faint aroma of gasoline every time a car passed you, sweat. We only managed to get a proper view for the last 5 laps, though. For most of the rest, I was busy climbing scaffolding. But I was happy. I'm glad I didn't pay for walk-about tickets. Imagine forking out $108 dollars so that you could climb scaffolding.

I think I'm going to follow the race from now on. 3 more races in Japan, China and Brazil before Hamilton gets crowned champion. But then, anything can happen. It's normal to pull out of the pitstop while refuelling, you see.

I know the song's lame. I couldn't find anything better la.

the naked man

So the lift at my place screwed up today and opened at any floor I wanted it to, just like any normal lift would. That wouldn't be considered screwing up if not for the fact that this lift opens directly into the apartments. So technically, I had free access to every single apartment in the building. All I had to do was push the button. So I decided to cave in to my voyeuristic tendencies and check out the lift lobbies of the people living above me. I pressed 20, the lift went up, stopped at 20, the doors opened, and lo, and behold, a GHASTLY sight was set before me...

Fat, ugly, hairy man.
White underwear.
Lying amidst a good number of shoes.
Sprawled out.
Scratching his ass.

He simply froze. That was hilarious. I'm sure he heard my stifled laughter as I quickly pressed the close button.

I live amongst weirdos.

the Creed, by Steve Turner, 1978

A satirical response to the postmodernists' belittling of those who believe in absolutes in a pluralistic world:

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin

We believe everything is OK

as long as you don't hurt anyone

to the best of your definition of hurt,

and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

We believe that adultery is fun.

We believe that sodomy’s OK.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better

despite evidence to the contrary.

The evidence must be investigated

And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in

horoscopes, UFO's and bent spoons.

Jesus was a good man

just like Buddha, Mohammed, and ourselves.

He was a good moral teacher

though we think His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same-

at least the one that we read was.

They all believe in love and goodness.

They only differ on matters of

creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing

Because when you ask the dead what happens they say Nothing.

If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,

then its compulsory heaven for all

excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan

We believe in Masters and Johnson

What's selected is average.

What's average is normal.

What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.

We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed.

Americans should beat their guns into tractors .

And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.

It's only his behavior that lets him down.

This is the fault of society.

Society is the fault of conditions.

Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.

Reality will adapt accordingly.

The universe will readjust.

History will alter.

We believe that there is no absolute truth

excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,

And the flowering of individual thought.

Postscript:

If chance be the Father of all flesh,

disaster is his rainbow in the sky

and when you hear

State of Emergency!

Sniper Kills Ten!

Troops on Rampage!

Whites go Looting!

Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man

worshipping his maker.

the stupid people

(No, this isn't about the car park incident at TMC.)

When someone insults you or taunts you, do you have to respond? Would it come across as cowardly not to? Or would that be wise. Only the wise (and the busy) pick their fights. Some fights just aren't worth it. Some people simply aren't worth your attention. I know that. But does that mean you walk away? I didn't want to. But I did. I wanted to spew insults back at them (and I can do that quite well, as some of you already know). But then a fight would ensue. That's what they would want. That's exactly what I don't want. That's why I left. I really don't think it's necessary to chalk up $10,000 in legal bills again. Especially when I'm not at fault. So I walked (drove) away. I had half a mind to turn around and ram into them, or at least scare them into thinking that I was going to. It's scary, the things you want to do when you're infuriated. I'm glad I didn't. Cos it would have cost me much more than it would have cost them.

They're stupid people after all. Stupid people whose combined PSLE scores wouldn't even come close to mine. Stupid people who feel they ought to be respected. Stupid people without a future. Stupid people who only know how to screw. And it's not that hard to screw. Stupid dumb ass people.

And I've everything to lose. It sucks when you have much more going for you than them. Then you've got to be cautious about everything you do. Well, I guess that's the price you pay for having more going for you. A price I guess I could afford if I bite my lip hard enough.

I guess life's fair... in a really weird way.

N.B.: I'm not elitist. I don't look down on people because they lack intelligence. But I do look down on people I don't like. I'm human.

the financial shakeout

Just 12 months ago, the investment banking landscape was dominated by 5 mammoth banks: Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns.

Then Bear wound up when its stocks plunged from about $60 a piece to less than 10% of that over one weekend.

Then poor Lehman had to do the same when nobody wanted anything to do with its rotting debt obligations.

On the same day, Merrill got acquired by Bank of America.

Now, Morgan Stanley's deciding to sell a 49% stake to China Investment Corp.

Goldman, when's your turn? Banking at the big 5 isn't so cool anymore. Not when 4 of the 5 are making headlines like that. And all because of what? Cos the lenders decided that it would be alright to extend loans to the defaulters, the unemployed and the irresponsible. And investment bankers, being the innovative people that they are, decided to slice and dice those loans beyond recognition and sell them to investors who didn't understand, but didn't want to admit.

Life was much simpler then. When all you had were stocks, bonds and currencies. Now you have a plethora of abbreviations - CDOs, CDSs, CMOs, ABSs, MBSs, CLOs, CMBSs, CBOs. They call them structured products. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone when I say that 'structure' is nothing more than a euphemism for 'zenith of complexity'.

Oh well. Let's just hope that things simmer down by end-2009. I would like to have a job when I graduate, you see.

the poised man

The time is nearing when I won't be giving any more tuition lessons for the rest of the year. MBA tuition ended last week. PSLE tuition's ending in a month. Then I'll only have the Singtel roadshows to tide me through. And that sucks because I won't be getting a steady stream of income. This is why a commission-based job won't cut it for me. It's too unpredictable. Too risky. I'm pretty sure I'd be quite content with a fixed salary and 7-month bonus at the end of each year.

I was fixing up a list of words for my tuition kid to expand her vocabulary and added "poised" to the list. I decided to try the words on this particular person in the vicinity to see if the standard I was setting was too high. I had added the word "poised" to the list and asked this person what the meaning of the word was. His response (in all seriousness) cracked me up -

"an erected man"

I dunno. It's just... funny.

the rambling man

I suppose some of us are cave dwellers,
some of us live in houses,
some of us like to be loose footed.
I'm a ramblin' man.

I wanna be a rambling man

And you're going to keep on rambling?
Oh yes, he he, have to.

the 10 things i dislike most

not in any particular order...

1. Automatic taps at shopping center restrooms that never seem to have working sensors and make you look like an idiot moving your hands all over hoping for water to flow.
2. Self-righteous jerks who think they're good enough to judge. Hope you get pantat cancer.
3. Intentionally hypocritical jerks who are alright with putting up an Oscar-winning act for the world to see.
4. The sound of fingernails scraping against dry paint.
5. People who take advantage of my (mildly) kind disposition.
6. MRT passengers who rush for the same seat as me.
7. Girls who think they're ALL THAT. Especially when they're not.
8. People who put the phone down on me
9. The prick who had the audacity to steal my phone in church during service 8 yrs ago
10. Unduly sensitive people.

Accounting module on a Monday morning is never a good idea. I started listing down examples of the Chinese professor's language deficiency to stay awake:

• Below ler line. (below the line)
  
• From lis wan. (from this one)
  
• Information is not nat accurate. (information is not that accurate)
  
• Exclute nem. (exclude them)
  
• What is neir net turnover? (what is their net turnover)
  
• There will be a lot of loises. (there will be a lot of noise)
• You cannot igerlore them. (you cannot ignore them)
  
• We should follow let. (we should follow that)
  
• Nananananana. (the the the the the the)
  
• Why do you sink this is necessary? (why do you think this is necessary?)
  
• See you legs week! (see you next week!)

and.. er.. finally:

• All the cunts. (all the accounts)

the missing holiday and internship

Is it worth it? I'm passing on a holiday to Oz and might be spending Christmas alone just because I want to be around for an internship that might not even happen. Everyone's desperate. Everyone wants to impress. It's sickening. I don't mean this to sound chauvinistic in anyway. But the ladies have an unfair edge (and don't you deny it). Attended a Deutsche Bank recruitment event today and couldn't take my eyes off this slut girl who had slits up the sides of her skirt until just below the hips. Where do you get clothes like that, man. How does a guy dress provocatively and not appear not heterosexual?

The Director of Private Wealth Management I spoke to later on commented on how much he loved chicks and all they had to offer. He also mentioned that he prides himself on helping his clients manage their finances so that they can support both the wives and the mistresses. BANKERS ARE PROMISCUOUS. Bankers promote promiscuity. Infidelity is the norm. In a working environment like that, don't tell me that females don't have the upper hand (dignity is another issue altogether).

I found out that to do securities trading, I'll need to know C++ and other programming languages. I'm so screwed. I don't even know HTML.

Temasek Holdings is expected to have $12,000,000,000,000 (12 trillion) in its coffers by 2015. Enough to buy a considerable portion of the world, I reckon. But yet we see the beggars, the homeless and the hungry by the roads and at the coffee-shops. A senior government official (no names, just in case of web petrol) admitted that the government used to employ 'beggar petrols'. What did they do with them after they picked them up? Were they given a decent home to live in? Why do we still see beggars around then? I don't think there's anything wrong with being a welfare state.

So back to the topic of the missing internship. Met a friend of a friend who's interning with Deutsche and almost certainly getting his internship converted to an analyst position. When I was introduced, he said, "Oh you! I 've heard alot about you. You're the smart guy."

But you're the guy with the friggin internship!

the vodka nite

i'm never good enough. for 0thers. for myself.

CCA day. Vivace. 170 sign ups. non-stop talking to complete strangers. raising $1000 in 5 hrs. recruitment talk. dissing permanent secretary of prime minister's office herself. hypocritically thanking her for joining us. friend's 22nd birthday. timbre. drinking too much vodka. letting the investment banker foot the bill. back to Sophia hostel. chatting about nonsense. drinking more vodka. passing out. waking up to snoring friend. cabbing back home at 4.30am. blogging.

nite.

the record-breaking jump

It's nice to watch the olympics. Even if India and Singapore are almost non-existent. It's nice to see records being broken and new world records being achieved. I think of it as records being made on behalf of all humankind, not just a particular country. Everytime I see something like that happen on the screen, I keep playing Armstrong's words in my head: "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." And the hairs on my arms stand on end. And I get transported to the stadium where the sensational win has just taken place. And I feel like cheering my heart out along with the rest of the crowd.

Isinbayeva from Russia was simply awesome during her pole vault event. If you think Indians are melodramatic, you should watch the Russians. Retreating under her blanket after every attempt, you wonder what the deal really is. But great people are allowed to have eccentricities.

- right before her world record-setting 5.05m jump -

the disorganized church

During bible study...

Leader: And that is true of the Church - both the organized Church and the..er... disorganized one. Wait. that doesn't sound right.
Me: You mean the independent churches?
Leader: Yes. The organized Church and the independent churches.
Me: Actually, I think you got it right the first time.

Starting churches has become fashionable. Everyone seems to be doing it. Unhappy? Start a church. Poor? Start a church. Bored? Start a church. Disillusioned? Start a church. Redundant? Start a church. Disliked? Start a church. Got caught? Start a church.

I'm glad I'm Methodist. I really am. :)

the broken ones

I think I like my friends who are broken. The disillusioned ones are the ones who’ve seen life. And that makes them more like me. I’m sick of the naïve ones. The ones who are constantly bothered with the small things – the trivial, the transient. I like people who look at life and laugh. These are the ones who look past life’s many disappointments with the ‘been there done that’ attitude. It shows that they’re experienced. They’re the less emotional. They’re have a strong internal locus of control. They’re more confident. They require hardly any consoling, and if they do, they know exactly where I’m coming from. It saves a lot of effort in convincing and explaining. It’s brilliant. Cos we’re at the same level. They know what they want, they know what they can’t have, and they know why. And when the unexpected happens, they aren’t caught off guard. Even if they don’t see it coming, they can accept that it has happened. They don’t stumble or cave in. They move on.

Don't get me wrong. I still like my other friends. I'd love to help them through what they need help through. We all need that support time and again. But I especially appreciate these rare guys.. Cos life’s too short to bother too much with .

I think I've been seeing too many bulls these days. And I have an inkling that they're here to stay. Haiz.

You find sponsors in the most unexpected of places.

Cough cough.

the night at home

Friday night. and I'm home. Sort of. For a change. Listening to a nice mash up of 7 songs:

1. Miliyah Kato - Love Is...
2. Los Pop Tops - Oh Lord, Why Lord
3. Coolio - C U When U Get There
4. Vienna Boys Choir - Pachelbel's Canon In D
5. Grover Washington, Jr. - Aubrey
6. Kanye West feat. John Mayer - Bittersweet Poetry
7. Pet Shop Boys - Go West

the 2nd chance

I like Gotham again for the following reasons:

1. I made friends with the hot brunette dancer I blogged about before. She's even hotter when she's inches away from you.

2. They had one for one all night on a Tuesday night.

3. I still get priority entry.

4. They didn't do the fireman routine again.

the familial poolside party

National Day was busy busy. Hung out with the extended family the whole day. And it was pretty fun. I thought the day was really well organized. I mean... we had our very own prata man, a one-man band (albeit he sang only oldies), excellent company and poolside location. It would have been an even more spectacular event if only we had some booze to loosen everybody up a little more. I'm hoping for excuses to hold poolside parties now. And I definitely won't forget the booze. And more current music. Cos Elvis does get boring after awhile.

We met the extendended family in the afternoon for a cohesion activity at Sungei Buloh. I'm quite sure I wasn't the only one apprehensive about the whole idea. After all that had happened (and for all I know, is STILL happening)- the slandering, mudslinging, criticizing and gossiping. It was awkward to see them all extra-friendly. I guess they were trying to tell us that they didn't have ill-intentions and would like to move on. Which I totally get. I really do. I definitely value these guys more than some block-headed hypocrites who have an inflated sense of self-worth. But still, it's difficult to let my guard down just like that. Unfortunately, or fortunately, we humans have this inbuilt thing called memory. And it can't be reformatted at the click of a button. I'm mature enough to forgive, but forgetting takes a much longer time. But, hey, nobody's claiming to be perfect here.

Today, cousin's phone got stolen at the poolside. The infuriating thing is that this toot had the audacity to open up my cousin's bag and remove the phone. It wasn't like he saw the phone unattended and swiped it away in one quick motion. And this happened within the condo, where we pay amenities fees for a supposed safer living environment. BASKET. Hope the thief dies of hand cancer, or something.

Nothing makes you feel more intelligent than giving tuition to an MBA student when you're only an undergrad. Swelllll maaannnnnn.

the SPG colony

At midnight tonight, I had nothing to do and was planning on completing a book, 'The Intelligent Investor', that I had started on more than a month ago. At 1am, I found myself at the doorsteps of Attica.

Attica started out slow but the pace eventually quickened, thankfully. I was underaged, so I found the choice of music a little too ancient for me. The dance floor was ridiculously small, for a nightspot that considers itself to be a full-fledged club. The club was infested with whites. I couldn't help but feel belittled by their furtive glances. Bummer. Nevertheless, I think I enjoyed myself reasonably well, thanks to the plethora of colorful characters that joined us at the club.

There was the guy who started dissing the whites very vocally (and Attica is SPG haven, mind you). I was bold enough to join him in the dissing. Then there was the lady who was 38, but looked like she was 24. She was newly married to some Aussie who's stuck in Melbourne while she's out partying with the white-disser. Hmmm.... Then there was the Aussie who asked me if I was up for a threesome in the car with this hot North Indian SPG chick he had picked up. Being the decent guy that I am, I said no. It didn't help that my friends were right beside me when he asked me.

The 90s had pretty nice songs, I discovered. Check out 'Losing My Religion' playing in the background right now.

Happy National Day or whatever.

the cancelled show

They say I passed the test. That my Tamil was bearable. But Friday's road show has been canceled due to the poor turnout today. What luck. So I didn't make much money this week afterall. :( They've promised me a slot next week. If that show gets 'canceled' again....

So all I need is patience and prayer. I hope.

The song playing right now is pretty excellent stuff. Listen to the whole thing!

the color dilemma

I realise that I have a number of silent readers. But I still want to do this poll. Which is nicer? Black or medium silver???

- black -

- medium silver -

the new free-lance job

Began my new free-lance job as a Singtel roadshow emcee today. Had a really hilarious time trying to speak Tamil. I am very grateful that it was only at the workers quarters. I am also very grateful for the Chinese, Hindi-speaking and Bangladeshi workers who started streaming past us in droves cos then we had to switch to English. Tamil was fun, anyhoo.

- Wine club publicity. It's simple, but I'm still proud of it -

the material wishlist

(this isn't ranting)

The media reported on the results of the FX challenge. The winning team, earning $1.5million, made the following comment:

"'Our strategy was to take a long-term view on each respective country... We... traded almost at our limits. We took very aggressive positions in our long-term views"

While I don't dare deny the brilliance of their strategy, it just shows that much of a trader's success is owed to luck. You don't make $1.5 million in an hour by just following the market. You don't lose $1.1million doing the same (that's me). The only way you make/lose over a million is if you speculate - when you expect something to occur and start building toward it, hoping that it eventually happens. And.. for us, it didn't happen. Bleh.

Which is much like life, if you think about it. If you want to make it big, you've got to risk sinking real deep. It's all about putting it all on the line, and hedging those risks if you can afford to. (But you don't usually have that luxury) Which is why having a decent paying job working for someone else usually doesn't get you filthy rich. Am I willing to risk it all? Would I mortgage my apartment, sell the car, remortgage the apartment just to fund a start-up that I can only hope will make money eventually? Would I speculate on currencies with uncovered positions in real-life just like what I did during the FX Challenge (if regulations allowed for it)? Hell no. But that's alright. Afterall, I'm not dying to be filthy rich.

Cos this is my material wish list (assuming I don't uproot). I don't NEED to have them all. I'd just be pretty satisfied if I did:

• A 3-room unit at The Nexus ($1.6m)
• BMW 650 ($338k) - by day
• Audi R8 ($495k) - by night
  
• Korg Triton Studio ($4k)
• Boston Upright ($10k)
• Bloomberg Terminal ($1.5k/mnth)
• ACSOBA membership ($500)
• Misc nightclub memberships ($1000/year)

I don't need a yatch. I don't need a Ferrari. I don't need a $50k club membership. I don't need a $4m District 1 condo like The Sail or One Shenton. I also realize that the cars probably won't happen. Which is fine.

So, you see, I'm reasonable. I don't need to be filthy rich to be happy.

the FX Challenge

So we lost the forex challenge. Heck, we didn't even get into the finals. It was pretty unexpected, the results. Only 1 SMU team out of the 7 made it to the finals, but virtually all the SP teams qualified. I'm not sure what went wrong. Even the NUS teams did as badly as us. And we undergrads were supposed to be the more experienced ones.

The top team in our wave made $900k in just an hour of trading. We.. erm.. we lost $1.1million in that same window. It's fake money, but the trading was REAL. And that worries me. If I ever become a trader, I'd be doing this ALL DAY. And that one hour of panic buying/selling was already pretty draining.

Later at night, we planned to finish up the Absolut Mango bottle at a friend's place. But someone had to get all high after just 3 glasses. So we decided to entertain ourselves watching him instead. Which was pretty fun, I must say. :):):)

the smart godson

My godson is really smart. He's only 6 months old. I was busy preparing for a meeting yesterday afternoon when he was supposed to be sleeping. But he didn't want to sleep although he was yawning non-stop. So I had to prepare for my meeting with one hand and let him entertain himself with the other, hoping that he would get bored of my hand and go to sleep. After awhile, he realised that my concentration wasn't on him and started snatching my work. When he was sure that he had my attention again, he would go back to entertaining himself with my hand. This happened REPEATEDLY. Then he gave me this really wide smile when he saw me finally put my work down.

Turf City has THE best maggie mee goreng in the country. I always knew my search would not be in vain.

Car shopping is really quite fun.

- bold, assertive, alluring-

the whiskey weekend

Night Festival was alright. The MC battle was going on pretty well until one of the contestant had to rely on racist comments to diss the other guy and boy did that infuriate us. I remember shouting something bordering on profanity before we decided to clear off and head to.... Rupee Room!

- the national museum during Night Fest -

The thing about going to a club where you don't understand the language is that nothing else matters - only the music. You don't care for the crowd, the drinks (the only reason you agreed to go in was cos you weren't exactly sober), the ambiance. You just want to dance. And Rupee Room doesn't fail to impress on that front. But you can't dance to Hindi songs all night right? And Gotham was nearby.

I never thought i would say this. But Gotham is off my list of nice clubs to hang out at. The Johannesburg dancers have become hardcore strippers. So that's kind of deteriorated into a sleazy nightspot. And I don't exactly like sleazy (or so I say). Everything was going fine, my favorite brunette was dancing to my favorite JT songs. Then everything changed when the "fireman" started playing with the fire hose (don't ask). And that prompted the male population (both smokers and non-smokers) to call for a smoking break.

- this is the brunette from Odyssey -

I think it's a compliment when long lost friends you bump into while clubbing greet you with a "DUDE! YOU'RE YOU! NO FRIGGIN' WAY!". It means I've come a long way. Pre-JC friends would be able to appreciate that.

Today, I found out that I aced summer term, but the only thing that came to my mind was the sombre realization that intelligence doesn't get you ahead all the time (yes, THAT is still bothering me). I must have made my indifference pretty obvious cos Mom sincerely asked if A+ was a good grade and I was expecting something better.

I think sincerity is forcing myself awake in the smashed state that I was in, struggling to dress up and look decently good, taking a cab down to town, rushing to attend a ceremony in a language I don't understand, just to make my presence felt. I wasn't planning for an awkward encounter, or an embarrassing conversation. I just wanted to BE there. So it can't just be an ego issue. Maybe, just maybe, it's something more. And that worries me.

Sigh... September is a long long way away. Abit sad eh.

the disease called 'Politics'

Politics. Most of life's about power and control, isn't it? At least, we make it out to be. It's a wonder why politicians allow us to refer to them by a word that has no positive connotations whatsoever as much as I know. And it's so pervasive. It's in EVERYTHING. Work, school, religion, sex (says Korn) and every other organization that's big enough. By big, I mean greater than one.

There's no such thing as nonpartisan. Neutrality is but a lofty goal. Politics is in the now. You HAVE to take sides. They force you to. Cos they treat you like you've already chosen. That is, if you're significant enough to be bothered about. Which is why, if anything, you should be honored when you get dragged into the game. You're significant. You're either a potential asset or threat. You mean something.

What then do you do? You revel in the fact that the choosing is done. Then you size everyone up. And you discover that you're on the side of Good. The less scheming. The intellects. The side with the subtle moves.

Cos sneers and contemptuous looks are for the weak.

(or you could just wait on the world to change)

the club with the really cheap booze

Headed down to DblO over the weekend and I must admit that it's a pretty awesome club/bar (second only to Gotham) if you manage to get a place to sit. Alternatively, you could party at the dancefloor all night if you don't mind the blaring speakers. And i do mean BLARING.

You can get pretty high spending just $50 on booze. To set things in perspective, a jug of standard housepour at other clubs will cost you $35-$42. Here, however, you pay just 12 friggin bucks. TWELVE. Only catch is the $20 cover charge that gets you no drinks at all. But still... friggin cheap. Not convinced? Ok. Consider 5 people who'll be satisfied with just a jug each. They head down to Government of Sound (GOS) and pay:

($20 cover + $35 jug) x 5 pax = $275

Then they head down to DblO the following weekend and pay:

($20 cover + $12 jug) x 5 pax = $$160

Then they kick themselves for spending an extra $100 bucks only to find themselves in an overcrowded room called Groove where the only dancing you have space to do is the dirty sort, and where the bartender takes 15mins to get your order (in comparison to the 5mins at DblO).

The resident DJ D'Timo-Jaka did spin a little too much house at times. But he made up for it with awesome R&B later on. And he does funny voice-overs. Not like some DJs I've seen who're more concerned with wanting to look cool. I'm sure sure you've met a few.

I learnt the theory behind folding DIY cigarettes. I also learnt that an all-guys clubbing group can be pretty fun afterall.

- Once again, WWI phone, so I had to kope the photo off the net-

Thank you for that glimmer of hope. It's nice to have hope, even if that hope is completely unfounded.

the time I kenna rejected

I'm not sure which is worse: losing someone or rejection. Considering how egotistical I am, and that I never actually had her in the first place, I'd have to say the latter. And that's an understatement. I never expected rejection to last this long. Am I not supposed to be a stoic? Or maybe I'm nothing more than a pseudo stoic; a wannabe stoic.

And that may not necessarily be a bad thing. Emotions provide that much-needed reminder that I'm only human. But the thing is, emotions are like a runaway train - out of control and headed for disaster. Is it better to be in control, then? I'm pretty sure that that too leads to disappointment. Remember the guy in Saw IV who wanted to save everyone? Therein lies the dilemma. And it will ALWAYS be.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So I should venture further, right? I’ve always liked challenges, anyway. Even one that seems unfathomable. Especially when there are no other mountains that I choose to see. But, really, I don’t quite see it as a challenge. I see it as something I want to do for now.

And if by sheer bad luck you’re reading this (COS SHIT HAPPENS), I’m no freak k? I’m just being.. me…. For a change.

whatever

Dear God,

Not funny.

Amen.

the lava-alba dream

When you work on an equity paper until 3am and fall asleep totally exhausted, you tend to have weird dreams. This is how mine went:

It begins in a particular classroom that resembles my science lab back during my ACS(I) days. It's an Economics course of some sort. And the professor is this Japanese lecturer I had to endure last semester (refer to April 5 post). Out of the blue, the professor comes up to me and tells me that we'll be having a surprise visit by some VIP and he suspects that I'd be VERY excited upon seeing him. Just as he says that, the VIP walks right in. And... begins his Benny Lava sequence. (for those of you who don't know, visit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA1NoOOoaNw).

- super cool la -
(i decided to remove the pic cos it.. well.. it doesn't go with the rest of the blog)

After he's done part of his sequence, he stops for photos and to sign autographs. Apparently, only the Indians (4 of us) show any interest and take countless photos with Prabhu Deva while the rest of the class continues with lesson, completely oblivious to what's going on at the front of the class. Class ends.

In the next scene, I'm in a convertible something driving to a petrol station. Arriving at the station, a group of hell riders with nunchucks and other weapons of sorts surround my brother (he just appeared. no idea how) and start to taunt him. I creep back into the car and slowly reverse away. Then I accelerate around the station before ramming right into the bikers, killing some, and dragging along one or two for some distance before finally killing them as well. Unfortunately, my brother is nowhere to be found.

Then we drive along. Just as mysteriously as my brother disappeared, my mother (or so it seems) appears in the back seat and starts sobbing quietly at the loss of my brother. I turn around and hug her and comfort her. Then I realise that my mom's actually Jessica Alba (of all the roles that she could have played).

- only almost-decent picture I could find. look closely-

I'm not sure how the rest of the dream went. One can only guess. But I'm prety sure that it was just plain wrong. Oh, has anyone heard my 'Incest should be legalised' speech before?

the brownies and the fillial children

The waiter at Pastamania was amusing us by doing karate actions while serving us. He looked Japanese. And my friend commented that he was wearing new pants cos she smelt the newness.

I received a bag of brownies today. I really like my brownies. I have more than one baker friend :)

Two of my friends are making me feel a tad unfilial. One is contemplating giving her parents $300 a month when she begins working. The other has made it her duty to take over the household finances the moment she graduates. Market spoilers, I tell you.

The more I think of how financially responsible these guys are, the more exasperated and infuriated I become with the financially irresponsible. But that's about all I can do. Bleah.

"I don't like it"

the hidden bar

Collected my Bombay Sapphire today. :):) Thank you, dear!

- it's English, not Indian -

You know you've patronized a restaurant too often when the manager recognizes you and starts joking with you. And that makes it harder to complain about service or anything else. Met up with a friend I hadn't seen in a LOOOONG while (and who had forgotten all about me, although she denies it). Had some DEEEEEP discussions about the usual things we talk about. She says that I'm the last person she'll come to for marriage advice :(

Finally found out what x Strip, xx Strip and xxx Strip mean.

Searched high and low for this bar my friend had told me about a couple of days ago. Ebar. He had said it was tucked away in a quiet corner of The Cathay. He was right. Found it eventually and what I saw was quite pleasing to the eye. I wouldn't call it a bar per se. It's more like a chill out spot. Very private.

- I'm holding on to a WW1 phone so here's something off the web. sorry-

Seems they play bossa nova and pop. (yes, awesome combination). And there's a nice Wii console right in the middle. The drinks were cheap. The music was alright. Well it was alright UNTIL they started playing house. Yes, the awful thumping music you hear at Cafe del Mar. but this music was special. the lyrics went like this:

He's my peace (yes he is)
He's my joy (yes he is)
He's my life (yes he is)
He's my braaadder (yes he is)

He's my soul (yes he is)
He's my love (yes he is)
He's my (inaudible noun) (yes he is)
He's my breath (yes he is)

Christian house.

Amen.

the way we deal with grief

I realise that I haven't been blogging about issues in a long while. So here goes.

For those of us who read the papers, you may know that on July 3, an SMU sailor fell out of the boat when returning to shore after training and went under never to resurface again. Two days later, his body was found.

I went to the guy's FB profile as soon as I found out because I'm never good with names and wanted to see if I knew the guy or had done a project with him before. This was on July 4, a day after he went missing and his body was not yet found. The following testimonials caught my eye:

• "please come back and kick my ass for being your lousy faci for meta camp 07"
• "Hey you... Gay partner... Where are you? Come back soon.. waiting for you to come back to continue our gayness... Am SURE that you will be back!"
• "we still got BKT to eat.. we still got SE to take.. where are you?"
• "BRO! Where are you, come back! We need to talk about THE OFFICE man."
• "hey.. come out ald.. I'm waiting for you to pop out of no where and laugh at me for falling for your prank. Come back and throw away the kopitiam cup u left in the Rlab. Dont litter! or will come after you. Nobody is going to clean it up for you u know, come back and clean your table up!"

And the following day, when the body was found, this appeared:

• "To the other 4 kids on the boat who did nothing when (he) went under the water, u r either some idiots or just plain pussies."

Reading these testimonials, I was appalled by the lack of sensitivity for the guy. Imagine if those testimonials were said out, instead of posted on FB. Imagine how weird it would have been to have to hear things like that when you're at a wake or funeral service. Imagine what his parents would have felt. People trying to inject humor into grief, or people trying to look for someone to blame. (and if nobody is found to be at blame, there's always that punching bag called God)

A few days later, still disturbed by the fact that SMU undergrads could be so insensitive and immature, it dawned upon me that maybe it wasn't an issue of sensitivity. It's just our way of dealing with grief. Some cry, some joke, some clam up, some blame, some become aloof, some give up, some go bonkers. Maybe the only person who was insensitive was me - for thinking that they were insensitive. They were, after all, friends of his and going through a tough time while I was just an onlooker.

How would I deal with grief? I guess I'd just be plain stoic about the whole episode. And I'd keep myself busy. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't even turn up at the wake when someone dear to me passes on.

I find comfort in solitude.