shiva

"meeting you after 3 weeks. i realise i'm the happiest when i'm with you. i'm happy you might miss me more than you miss your bf. i'm sad, almost to the point of quivering, that you're excited about getting proposed to. i'm happy for you, but i'm uneasy that you don't realise what i'm feeling for you. i know it must happen. i want it to happen. it must happen for you, i hope it happens for me. but i think you will be the object that i adore the most in my life. i will never forget that. i can't help what i'm feeling. i wish i could tell you. but i don't think i ever will. unless, by some miracle, i get over you. then i'll confess. and hope to get a confession back. i'm obsessed with you. i really am. we're so perfect for each other :)

i guess i have this to look forward to each month. and that will keep me going.

jun 2nd. do i really have to be there? i guess i do. painful as it is. i can just imagine. i stand in the shadows. and yet, i cannot but feel that i'll be losing you. whose side will i be on. what am i feeling. how should i react. how should i mask my emotions.

i miss you already. 3 months in advance."

You messed everything up. unintended or otherwise. doesn't matter. you fucked it up for everyone. but yourself. you don't regret it. you sure as hell don't. does it make u a better person if you did? when will you lift up your head again. when will you feel clean again. when will you stop being the villain. what you are perceived to be, you are.