I realise that I haven't been blogging about issues in a long while. So here goes.
For those of us who read the papers, you may know that on July 3, an SMU sailor fell out of the boat when returning to shore after training and went under never to resurface again. Two days later, his body was found.
I went to the guy's FB profile as soon as I found out because I'm never good with names and wanted to see if I knew the guy or had done a project with him before. This was on July 4, a day after he went missing and his body was not yet found. The following testimonials caught my eye:
And the following day, when the body was found, this appeared:
Reading these testimonials, I was appalled by the lack of sensitivity for the guy. Imagine if those testimonials were said out, instead of posted on FB. Imagine how weird it would have been to have to hear things like that when you're at a wake or funeral service. Imagine what his parents would have felt. People trying to inject humor into grief, or people trying to look for someone to blame. (and if nobody is found to be at blame, there's always that punching bag called God)
A few days later, still disturbed by the fact that SMU undergrads could be so insensitive and immature, it dawned upon me that maybe it wasn't an issue of sensitivity. It's just our way of dealing with grief. Some cry, some joke, some clam up, some blame, some become aloof, some give up, some go bonkers. Maybe the only person who was insensitive was me - for thinking that they were insensitive. They were, after all, friends of his and going through a tough time while I was just an onlooker.
How would I deal with grief? I guess I'd just be plain stoic about the whole episode. And I'd keep myself busy. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't even turn up at the wake when someone dear to me passes on.
I find comfort in solitude.
For those of us who read the papers, you may know that on July 3, an SMU sailor fell out of the boat when returning to shore after training and went under never to resurface again. Two days later, his body was found.
I went to the guy's FB profile as soon as I found out because I'm never good with names and wanted to see if I knew the guy or had done a project with him before. This was on July 4, a day after he went missing and his body was not yet found. The following testimonials caught my eye:
- "please come back and kick my ass for being your lousy faci for meta camp 07"
- "Hey you... Gay partner... Where are you? Come back soon.. waiting for you to come back to continue our gayness... Am SURE that you will be back!"
- "we still got BKT to eat.. we still got SE to take.. where are you?"
- "BRO! Where are you, come back! We need to talk about THE OFFICE man."
- "hey.. come out ald.. I'm waiting for you to pop out of no where and laugh at me for falling for your prank. Come back and throw away the kopitiam cup u left in the Rlab. Dont litter! or
will come after you. Nobody is going to clean it up for you u know, come back and clean your table up!"
And the following day, when the body was found, this appeared:
- "To the other 4 kids on the boat who did nothing when (he) went under the water, u r either some idiots or just plain pussies."
Reading these testimonials, I was appalled by the lack of sensitivity for the guy. Imagine if those testimonials were said out, instead of posted on FB. Imagine how weird it would have been to have to hear things like that when you're at a wake or funeral service. Imagine what his parents would have felt. People trying to inject humor into grief, or people trying to look for someone to blame. (and if nobody is found to be at blame, there's always that punching bag called God)
A few days later, still disturbed by the fact that SMU undergrads could be so insensitive and immature, it dawned upon me that maybe it wasn't an issue of sensitivity. It's just our way of dealing with grief. Some cry, some joke, some clam up, some blame, some become aloof, some give up, some go bonkers. Maybe the only person who was insensitive was me - for thinking that they were insensitive. They were, after all, friends of his and going through a tough time while I was just an onlooker.
How would I deal with grief? I guess I'd just be plain stoic about the whole episode. And I'd keep myself busy. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't even turn up at the wake when someone dear to me passes on.
I find comfort in solitude.
